Spectrum of Self-Defense, Page One
This section is added in condemnation of a wolf in crybaby's clothing; henceforth known as 'PPOS.' On March 31, 2016; he entered a guilty plea and began serving twelve years in prison minus the chance of parole for being a childish, manipulative, passive-aggressive, lying, vile pile of predatory filth. I was going to reveal his name, but he deserves no marquee from me. Let his fame come from the rest of his victims filing charges against him.
While I wish I could time travel and prevent the damage he did to people; I can fight back by sharing information. Hopefully this page may help others by arming them against insidious sleazeballs. There are a lot of PPOSs running around. Learn to recognize them. Don't enable them. Don't let them run your life or drag you down with them. Don't let them around your family. You owe them no apologies, favors, guilt, shame, time or fear.
The information on this page deals primarily with awareness. For comments involving weapons and physical self-defense, please visit Page Two. Communication technology and identity defense appears on Page Three.
While I wish I could time travel and prevent the damage he did to people; I can fight back by sharing information. Hopefully this page may help others by arming them against insidious sleazeballs. There are a lot of PPOSs running around. Learn to recognize them. Don't enable them. Don't let them run your life or drag you down with them. Don't let them around your family. You owe them no apologies, favors, guilt, shame, time or fear.
The information on this page deals primarily with awareness. For comments involving weapons and physical self-defense, please visit Page Two. Communication technology and identity defense appears on Page Three.
Note: Most of the links and resources posted here are relevant to visitors in the United States.
Information, services and laws may be different in other countries.
Consult your local resources if you live outside the United States.
Information, services and laws may be different in other countries.
Consult your local resources if you live outside the United States.
Children Come First
Keeping Your Children Safe - It isn't just strangers that children and parents need to watch out for, but people who can get close to them. Some victimizers may be relatives, neighbors or people you date. Some victimizers seek out jobs which give them access to children. A child predator could be clergy, a bus driver, teacher, babysitter or a coach. Some predators may try to live in neighborhoods where there are many children, or they may live near a popular park or school. They may try to lure your child online. Talk with your children about dangerous people and situations. Let them know about being cautious around strangers, but also that the predator isn't always a stranger. Keep lines of communication open. Encourage your kids to come to you if something is happening. Keep an eye out for grooming or other signs of trouble in their behavior and in the behavior of adults around them. If they have been threatened they may be reluctant to talk. It is important to teach kids to be savvy about their personal safety as soon as possible. Martial arts training is also not a bad idea. Not only do children get exercise and learn to defend themselves, but they grow their personal strength, respect and self-discipline.
If you are a witness to child abuse, speak up. Call 911 or contact The National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD. If you are aware of or suspect child sexual abuse, get more information at StopItNow and reach out to law enforcement. Keep in mind, too, that animal cruelty frequently happens in concert with child abuse.
If you are a witness to child abuse, speak up. Call 911 or contact The National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD. If you are aware of or suspect child sexual abuse, get more information at StopItNow and reach out to law enforcement. Keep in mind, too, that animal cruelty frequently happens in concert with child abuse.
This video will put dry ice in the pit of your stomach. It is a social experiment by Joey Salads showing how simple it can be to lure a child. Watch it. Pay attention and talk with your child about the scenarios that are depicted in his videos.
Social Self-Defense
Protecting Yourself in Social Media - When someone wants to know more about you, one of the first places people and employers look is social media. Lock down your accounts to friends and family only. Only add people you personally know and set up a squeaky clean (i.e. professional) account for clients, coworkers, bosses and people you aren't sure about. Anyone with nefarious intent would have a tough time making things stick to you if you aren't public with every little thought and tweet. Be wary of posing info online which could be used by criminals and cyberstalkers.
Psychological Self-Defense - People meet, date and sometimes work with a lot of manipulative parasites; Criminals, sociopaths, narcissists, liars, thieves, users, abusers and toxic energy vamps. Recognize and defend yourself against them. Start by questioning and examining, being wary of flattery. Always fact-check. Never let anyone do your thinking for you.
Tells of a Liar - Everyone lies. We all do it, whether it's little white lies to protect someone's feelings, skip an unwanted sales pitch or deflect a person or event you're just not into. "Sorry I can't come to your onion-chopping tournament. I'm attending a wedding that day." Some lying comes from much more sinister intent. Lying to sabotage. Lying to swindle. Lying to cover tracks. Lying to trap or manipulate. Using propaganda. Some liars are so habitual, they don't even realize they are doing it but they can still cause damage. Learn to protect yourself by identifying lying behaviors, language and traits. Whether you decide to avoid, shed or call someone out is up to you.
Catfish and Dating Scams - While there are many success stories from online dating, scammers and scumbags also work the dating pool. They pose as perfectly dateable men and women and many play their parts very well. A 'good' catfish will not hit you with a scam right away. He or she will play you for a while and get your hopes up. She'll say all the right things to try to reach the deepest and most gullible parts of your heart. He may set up companion profiles on social media sites like Snapchat, Facebook or Twitter to reinforce his fake persona and lure your conversations off the original dating site. He wants a commitment and a serious relationship. Right now. Then comes the scam. The blonde jet setting Australian millionaire says, "I'd love to fly out and meet you, but I need money for the airline ticket." The outrageously successful Baltimore heart surgeon is suddenly in a serious accident and can't afford legal help or medical care. The charming activist/philanthropist is kidnapped in Tanzania and needs ransom to survive. The exiled Nigerian/Saudi/Egyptian/Wherever princess needs help escaping yet another compromised refuge. "Could you please send money? By Western Union?" Catfish often use stolen photos from social media and modeling sites. For this reason, they get evasive when you ask for more pictures or a video chat. They can't meet you for one reason or another. They often set their profiles geographically far from you so you can't casually meet for coffee. Listen to your gut in online dating scenarios. Pedophiles and stalkers also catfish to trick and monitor potential victims and strengthen emotional control over their offline targets.
Psychological Self-Defense - People meet, date and sometimes work with a lot of manipulative parasites; Criminals, sociopaths, narcissists, liars, thieves, users, abusers and toxic energy vamps. Recognize and defend yourself against them. Start by questioning and examining, being wary of flattery. Always fact-check. Never let anyone do your thinking for you.
Tells of a Liar - Everyone lies. We all do it, whether it's little white lies to protect someone's feelings, skip an unwanted sales pitch or deflect a person or event you're just not into. "Sorry I can't come to your onion-chopping tournament. I'm attending a wedding that day." Some lying comes from much more sinister intent. Lying to sabotage. Lying to swindle. Lying to cover tracks. Lying to trap or manipulate. Using propaganda. Some liars are so habitual, they don't even realize they are doing it but they can still cause damage. Learn to protect yourself by identifying lying behaviors, language and traits. Whether you decide to avoid, shed or call someone out is up to you.
Catfish and Dating Scams - While there are many success stories from online dating, scammers and scumbags also work the dating pool. They pose as perfectly dateable men and women and many play their parts very well. A 'good' catfish will not hit you with a scam right away. He or she will play you for a while and get your hopes up. She'll say all the right things to try to reach the deepest and most gullible parts of your heart. He may set up companion profiles on social media sites like Snapchat, Facebook or Twitter to reinforce his fake persona and lure your conversations off the original dating site. He wants a commitment and a serious relationship. Right now. Then comes the scam. The blonde jet setting Australian millionaire says, "I'd love to fly out and meet you, but I need money for the airline ticket." The outrageously successful Baltimore heart surgeon is suddenly in a serious accident and can't afford legal help or medical care. The charming activist/philanthropist is kidnapped in Tanzania and needs ransom to survive. The exiled Nigerian/Saudi/Egyptian/Wherever princess needs help escaping yet another compromised refuge. "Could you please send money? By Western Union?" Catfish often use stolen photos from social media and modeling sites. For this reason, they get evasive when you ask for more pictures or a video chat. They can't meet you for one reason or another. They often set their profiles geographically far from you so you can't casually meet for coffee. Listen to your gut in online dating scenarios. Pedophiles and stalkers also catfish to trick and monitor potential victims and strengthen emotional control over their offline targets.
Harassment - There are many different forms of harassment. In general, it is repeated unwanted contact which is designed to threaten, make demands or negatively affect someone's self-esteem, quality of work, influence decision-making or cause general anxiety. It can be anything from annoying to alarming and it comes from many different motives, such as ability harassment, racial, gender or GLBTA prejudice, unwanted sexual advances, workplace retaliation or culling (undermining, sabotage or pressure to get someone to quit or be fired), religious backlash and abuse of authority.
Depending on the type of harassment, some people advise to let it go. In some cases, assigning an 'I don't fucking care' attitude to it can work, but you have to be consistent until the harasser either gives up or escalates. This can take a nauseatingly long time and it can eat up a lot of your energy in self control. It's not really an advisable tactic because it doesn't give the harasser any incentive to stop other than boredom. It also doesn't give that person a learning opportunity before he or she decides to pick on someone else. Some people don't know what they are doing is harassment. They need to be given notice of their offensive behavior and a firm warning to stop it. This is best of it's written, dated and kept on record. If the harassment is happening at work, Human Resources is your first stop for warning letters. If it isn't, you can write your own letter or email. While a simple letter may not stop someone; once you've made it clear that future contact of a harassing nature is unwelcome, you can keep records of future objectionable contact or escalation. This will help if you need to take your case to police, a court or Human Resources office. Definitely get law enforcement involved if harassment escalates to physical threat. You can also get police involved over phone and online harassment.
Depending on the type of harassment, some people advise to let it go. In some cases, assigning an 'I don't fucking care' attitude to it can work, but you have to be consistent until the harasser either gives up or escalates. This can take a nauseatingly long time and it can eat up a lot of your energy in self control. It's not really an advisable tactic because it doesn't give the harasser any incentive to stop other than boredom. It also doesn't give that person a learning opportunity before he or she decides to pick on someone else. Some people don't know what they are doing is harassment. They need to be given notice of their offensive behavior and a firm warning to stop it. This is best of it's written, dated and kept on record. If the harassment is happening at work, Human Resources is your first stop for warning letters. If it isn't, you can write your own letter or email. While a simple letter may not stop someone; once you've made it clear that future contact of a harassing nature is unwelcome, you can keep records of future objectionable contact or escalation. This will help if you need to take your case to police, a court or Human Resources office. Definitely get law enforcement involved if harassment escalates to physical threat. You can also get police involved over phone and online harassment.
Bullies - We run into bullies at all stages of life, unfortunately. It's a shame that some people believe it's better to use pettiness, force and coercion to solve problems or even that its fun to do it recreationally. There are different types of bullies. They are all damaging whether you encounter them in your personal life or in your career. Some people believe bullies are attracted to weak personality types. This isn't true. Others may say it's not a real problem if there's no physical assault involved, or that it's not a real problem if it's online. It's very much a real problem. It causes targets to doubt themselves. It raises anxiety which takes a toll on physical and emotional health.
If you are a target, don't blame yourself and don't give the bully control. Instead, identify what is happening and form a plan to address it. Keep records of dates, times, witnesses and actions when an incident takes place. Your records will be important if your case goes before management, authorities or a judge. Don't accept minimization or delayed response from peers or management. If your concerns are belittled, move your complaint up the hierarchy until someone takes it seriously. Keep your composure. Part of bullying involves eliciting overreaction or retaliation from the victim. This can embarrass you and change your peers' opinion of you. It can also sabotage your ability to get help from superiors, which gives the bully another angle to use. Sometimes, the best reaction is to tell the bully their behavior is unimpressive and unacceptable. 'Not only am I not worried about you; I think you're a ridiculous petty little worm.' Don't underestimate the benefits of changing your environment, however. Wasting energy, worrying and defending yourself distracts from being productive. Isn't that why you're there? If your workplace or school can't appreciate that, move on.
Stalkers - Stalking is an escalation behavior which can lead to an attack. It could be someone you know, such as an ex, a client or former coworker, or it could be someone you don't know. There are different types of stalkers and all are cause for concern. Some people victim-blame; claiming the victim is teasing or leading the stalker on. Restraining orders don't always stop them and the whole situation could leave you feeling panicked and helpless. There are things you can do, getting police involved is the first step. Take it seriously and get everything on record. If the stalker is stalking online, he or she may be checking out your friends' activities to learn more about you. Cut off all contact, but keep track of attempts to stay in touch with or monitor you and your friends or family. Include sitings, phone calls, hang-ups, messages, emails and chats. Include contact from known and unknown phone numbers, email addresses and screen names. If your stalker follows you in a car, get pictures of the car and get a license plate and call for help. Keep an eye around your neighborhood or workplace to see where that person likes to wait for you. Do not follow the same predictable routine every day. Seek out support and information. Form an emergency and escape plan if things continue to escalate. Keep a small packed bag in your car or at work in case you have to stay with a friend. Alert security at work that you have a stalker and tell friends and family so that they do not unwittingly help the stalker or become a part of that person's plans.
Police Impersonators - Some criminals cloak themselves in false authority to take advantage of people. 'Question Authority' isn't just a slogan. It's a habit that can help you avoid an attack. Learn how to spot a faker and how to respond. It is very easy to make a car look like an unmarked unit. Familiarize yourself with what state and local cruisers look like in your area. Always be suspicious of an unmarked car. Keep an eye out for missing accessories, tinted windows and lights which look skimpy or temporary. Some advice recommends getting a badge number, but why would you let someone get that close? Keep away. If you have a suspected faker, or things just don't look or feel right, call 911. The Dispatch Operator can confirm the unit is real. If it isn't, Dispatch can send real units and tell you how to stay safe. DO NOT SPEED. Do not try to evade. You put yourself and others at ridiculous risk if you start a car chase. You also make yourself more susceptible to maneuvers the pursuing driver may use to knock you out of control. Do not flash weapons, provoke or threaten the person in question. A police impersonator is most afraid of you calling for help. Keep a cool head and keep your car under the speed limit. Turn on your hazard lights and drive into well lit areas and populated places like parking lots of open businesses (example: 24-hour grocery stores). Many shopping centers and banks have security cameras covering the parking lot and storefronts. Some have security staff who could be another source of help. If you have to bolt on foot, pull in close to the building entrance. This gives you a place to run and an opportunity to get assistance. Take your keys, wallet and phone with you. Leave everything else. Coach any other passengers to burst from the car and run inside simultaneously. Do not attempt a fight. You don't know what kind of weapon the pursuer has. Once inside the business, scream. Attract attention to yourself. The faker likely won't follow you inside because he or she knows there will be witnesses. Despite advice posted to some other websites, the best thing to do is NOT STOP THE CAR. Wait to stop until there are other marked and verifiable police units on the scene. You are most vulnerable when your car is stopped or you are on foot. If you keep moving, the person following you can't do much more than follow.
If you are a target, don't blame yourself and don't give the bully control. Instead, identify what is happening and form a plan to address it. Keep records of dates, times, witnesses and actions when an incident takes place. Your records will be important if your case goes before management, authorities or a judge. Don't accept minimization or delayed response from peers or management. If your concerns are belittled, move your complaint up the hierarchy until someone takes it seriously. Keep your composure. Part of bullying involves eliciting overreaction or retaliation from the victim. This can embarrass you and change your peers' opinion of you. It can also sabotage your ability to get help from superiors, which gives the bully another angle to use. Sometimes, the best reaction is to tell the bully their behavior is unimpressive and unacceptable. 'Not only am I not worried about you; I think you're a ridiculous petty little worm.' Don't underestimate the benefits of changing your environment, however. Wasting energy, worrying and defending yourself distracts from being productive. Isn't that why you're there? If your workplace or school can't appreciate that, move on.
Stalkers - Stalking is an escalation behavior which can lead to an attack. It could be someone you know, such as an ex, a client or former coworker, or it could be someone you don't know. There are different types of stalkers and all are cause for concern. Some people victim-blame; claiming the victim is teasing or leading the stalker on. Restraining orders don't always stop them and the whole situation could leave you feeling panicked and helpless. There are things you can do, getting police involved is the first step. Take it seriously and get everything on record. If the stalker is stalking online, he or she may be checking out your friends' activities to learn more about you. Cut off all contact, but keep track of attempts to stay in touch with or monitor you and your friends or family. Include sitings, phone calls, hang-ups, messages, emails and chats. Include contact from known and unknown phone numbers, email addresses and screen names. If your stalker follows you in a car, get pictures of the car and get a license plate and call for help. Keep an eye around your neighborhood or workplace to see where that person likes to wait for you. Do not follow the same predictable routine every day. Seek out support and information. Form an emergency and escape plan if things continue to escalate. Keep a small packed bag in your car or at work in case you have to stay with a friend. Alert security at work that you have a stalker and tell friends and family so that they do not unwittingly help the stalker or become a part of that person's plans.
Police Impersonators - Some criminals cloak themselves in false authority to take advantage of people. 'Question Authority' isn't just a slogan. It's a habit that can help you avoid an attack. Learn how to spot a faker and how to respond. It is very easy to make a car look like an unmarked unit. Familiarize yourself with what state and local cruisers look like in your area. Always be suspicious of an unmarked car. Keep an eye out for missing accessories, tinted windows and lights which look skimpy or temporary. Some advice recommends getting a badge number, but why would you let someone get that close? Keep away. If you have a suspected faker, or things just don't look or feel right, call 911. The Dispatch Operator can confirm the unit is real. If it isn't, Dispatch can send real units and tell you how to stay safe. DO NOT SPEED. Do not try to evade. You put yourself and others at ridiculous risk if you start a car chase. You also make yourself more susceptible to maneuvers the pursuing driver may use to knock you out of control. Do not flash weapons, provoke or threaten the person in question. A police impersonator is most afraid of you calling for help. Keep a cool head and keep your car under the speed limit. Turn on your hazard lights and drive into well lit areas and populated places like parking lots of open businesses (example: 24-hour grocery stores). Many shopping centers and banks have security cameras covering the parking lot and storefronts. Some have security staff who could be another source of help. If you have to bolt on foot, pull in close to the building entrance. This gives you a place to run and an opportunity to get assistance. Take your keys, wallet and phone with you. Leave everything else. Coach any other passengers to burst from the car and run inside simultaneously. Do not attempt a fight. You don't know what kind of weapon the pursuer has. Once inside the business, scream. Attract attention to yourself. The faker likely won't follow you inside because he or she knows there will be witnesses. Despite advice posted to some other websites, the best thing to do is NOT STOP THE CAR. Wait to stop until there are other marked and verifiable police units on the scene. You are most vulnerable when your car is stopped or you are on foot. If you keep moving, the person following you can't do much more than follow.
Rape and Sexual Assault - It is unfortunate that we live in a world where items such as date rape drug detecting tools, personal alarms, security underwear and anti-rape condoms have a viable market. Sexual violence is not about about how someone dresses or behaves. The only thing that causes rape are rapists; not media, not porn, not video games, not sex organs and not clothing. It's not about age, occupation, race, politics, culture, religion, sexual or gender identity, virginity, discipline, or how much drugs or alcohol someone consumes. Rape is not an act of love or passion. It is about disrespect, selfishness and exertion of power. To tell someone otherwise is nothing but victim blaming.
There is no excuse for shaming a sex assault victim. Nobody deserves it. Additionally, there is no such thing as 'corrective rape.' There is nothing therapeutic about rape. It does not cure someone's sexual orientation or sex drive. It does not change someone's gender identity. It does not change someone's political or religious beliefs. It does not teach someone to be a lady. It does not make someone a man or a grown-up. It does not fix whatever excuse someone uses to legitimize it. Corrective rape is a hate crime and it should be prosecuted as such.
Both men and women can be victims of sexual assault. There are many myths about male rape. Statistically, sex crimes against women are more prevalent, but those numbers may also have to do with social attitudes leaving male victims less likely to report.
Preventing rape and sexual assault is a many-faceted challenge since it can happen in a variety of situations. Top anti-rape tip pages recommend communication and trusting your instincts. If you are out at a club or party, stay with and look after your friends. Do not allow yourself to be led away or left alone with people you do not know or trust. Using drugs and alcohol can cloud judgement, lower inhibitions and interfere with setting clear boundaries or expressing consent. If you are too intoxicated, you also can't drive, which forces you to rely on others in order to leave. Practice moderation and always keep an eye on your drink. Take drinks only directly from your bartender or drink only what you've poured for yourself. Pay attention to how your body feels. If you think you're getting disoriented or intoxicated too quickly, alert your friends. Ask for help, even if it means making an embarrassing phone call. Don't be afraid to call police if you believe you have been drugged or fear for your safety.
Date rape, or rape by an acquaintance, occurs more frequently than rape by a stranger. These are assaults committed by someone the victim knows, whether it's a coworker, classmate, neighbor, friend or someone the victim is romantically interested in. Many acquaintance rapes also happen at home, which makes the attack even worse since your home is supposed to be your sanctuary. If you're at home dealing with a potentially unsavory situation, don't be afraid to bail and call for help from somewhere else. If you are on a date and not driving, always make sure your phone is charged and you have escape money. If things go badly, you can excuse yourself from the situation and take a cab home. If you don't know someone very well, don't allow yourself to be in secluded situations with that person. Do not put that person in a position of control, such as driving you to a remote location and forcing you to rely on him or her to get back home. Don't go into someone's home or invite that person into to yours right away. People assume you are interested in taking things farther. If your friend or date aggressively pushes drugs or alcohol to lull your senses, take that as a bad sign. This is especially true if he or she isn't consuming as much, or nothing at all. Your date's attitudes could be another bad sign. Is he or she dismissive about your boundaries or comfort level? Does he or she make derogatory or lecherous comments about other women or men? Is he or she calling you out for being a tease? Does he or she disrespect or dismiss your sexual orientation or gender identity with comments like, "It's just a phase," "I could cure you," or "all you need is a really good fuck?" Arrogant much? If conversion therapy, hormones, counseling, praying it away, threats, harassment, hate crimes and shaming don't cure a person, what makes people think their magic genitals are going to do it?
Doing something nice, flirting, buying gifts, food or alcohol doesn't grant someone an automatic pass to your body. Marriage doesn't, either.
If you've been raped or sexually assaulted, the best thing to do to is remove yourself to a safe location and breathe. What happens next is difficult and invasive, but important. If you have friend or family member that you trust to support you through it, ask that person to accompany you to an Emergency Room. You may want to ask that person to meet you with a change of clothes, but don't change, wash or shower, yet. You want to preserve evidence for collection. If you don't have someone who can help, you can ask for an advocate through your local rape crisis center or by calling RAINN at 800-656-HOPE (4673).
There is no excuse for shaming a sex assault victim. Nobody deserves it. Additionally, there is no such thing as 'corrective rape.' There is nothing therapeutic about rape. It does not cure someone's sexual orientation or sex drive. It does not change someone's gender identity. It does not change someone's political or religious beliefs. It does not teach someone to be a lady. It does not make someone a man or a grown-up. It does not fix whatever excuse someone uses to legitimize it. Corrective rape is a hate crime and it should be prosecuted as such.
Both men and women can be victims of sexual assault. There are many myths about male rape. Statistically, sex crimes against women are more prevalent, but those numbers may also have to do with social attitudes leaving male victims less likely to report.
Preventing rape and sexual assault is a many-faceted challenge since it can happen in a variety of situations. Top anti-rape tip pages recommend communication and trusting your instincts. If you are out at a club or party, stay with and look after your friends. Do not allow yourself to be led away or left alone with people you do not know or trust. Using drugs and alcohol can cloud judgement, lower inhibitions and interfere with setting clear boundaries or expressing consent. If you are too intoxicated, you also can't drive, which forces you to rely on others in order to leave. Practice moderation and always keep an eye on your drink. Take drinks only directly from your bartender or drink only what you've poured for yourself. Pay attention to how your body feels. If you think you're getting disoriented or intoxicated too quickly, alert your friends. Ask for help, even if it means making an embarrassing phone call. Don't be afraid to call police if you believe you have been drugged or fear for your safety.
Date rape, or rape by an acquaintance, occurs more frequently than rape by a stranger. These are assaults committed by someone the victim knows, whether it's a coworker, classmate, neighbor, friend or someone the victim is romantically interested in. Many acquaintance rapes also happen at home, which makes the attack even worse since your home is supposed to be your sanctuary. If you're at home dealing with a potentially unsavory situation, don't be afraid to bail and call for help from somewhere else. If you are on a date and not driving, always make sure your phone is charged and you have escape money. If things go badly, you can excuse yourself from the situation and take a cab home. If you don't know someone very well, don't allow yourself to be in secluded situations with that person. Do not put that person in a position of control, such as driving you to a remote location and forcing you to rely on him or her to get back home. Don't go into someone's home or invite that person into to yours right away. People assume you are interested in taking things farther. If your friend or date aggressively pushes drugs or alcohol to lull your senses, take that as a bad sign. This is especially true if he or she isn't consuming as much, or nothing at all. Your date's attitudes could be another bad sign. Is he or she dismissive about your boundaries or comfort level? Does he or she make derogatory or lecherous comments about other women or men? Is he or she calling you out for being a tease? Does he or she disrespect or dismiss your sexual orientation or gender identity with comments like, "It's just a phase," "I could cure you," or "all you need is a really good fuck?" Arrogant much? If conversion therapy, hormones, counseling, praying it away, threats, harassment, hate crimes and shaming don't cure a person, what makes people think their magic genitals are going to do it?
Doing something nice, flirting, buying gifts, food or alcohol doesn't grant someone an automatic pass to your body. Marriage doesn't, either.
If you've been raped or sexually assaulted, the best thing to do to is remove yourself to a safe location and breathe. What happens next is difficult and invasive, but important. If you have friend or family member that you trust to support you through it, ask that person to accompany you to an Emergency Room. You may want to ask that person to meet you with a change of clothes, but don't change, wash or shower, yet. You want to preserve evidence for collection. If you don't have someone who can help, you can ask for an advocate through your local rape crisis center or by calling RAINN at 800-656-HOPE (4673).
Whether or not you decide to press charges, it is important to have a rape kit done. Depending on local laws, you may need to contact police separately, but the hospital staff shouldn't require you to have a police interview first. Keep in mind that filing a police report may mean you don't have to pay for the examination and rape kit. Police may also request the rape kit is done immediately to collect as much evidence as possible and treat injuries you may have. You may need to explore options related to preventing unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. If you believe you have been drugged, the medical staff will also want to test for date rape drugs.
When it's all over, the best thing to do is take care of you. Ban people from your life who hurt you or blame you for what happened. Find counselors who can help you work through your feelings and sort the toxic ones out. You may need help with PTSD, Rape Trauma Syndrome and depression. Recovery is a long road. You don't have to take it alone.
When it's all over, the best thing to do is take care of you. Ban people from your life who hurt you or blame you for what happened. Find counselors who can help you work through your feelings and sort the toxic ones out. You may need help with PTSD, Rape Trauma Syndrome and depression. Recovery is a long road. You don't have to take it alone.
Personal Note -- In my search for updated information, I ran across several articles stating that spreading tips for avoiding sexual violence reinforces victim blaming. I do not agree. Which would you prefer? Evading a painful and frightening violation of your person or lose the ability to avoid it from lack of information? No one is born knowing how to recognize a potentially dangerous situation. Children are taught about strangers, to understand 'bad touch,' and that they have a right to control what happens with their bodies. Add, some cultural and religious beliefs reinforce victimization by training people to be blind to it, to celebrate it as a punishment or reward, or by telling women and girls that their bodies are not their own.
It wasn't long ago that casual groping, such as breast fondling or ass pinching, was supposed to be taken as a compliment. Only in the past few decades has Western society told people that it's okay to say 'no' and defend themselves. I am all for improving societal views of children, men, women, all races, trans and non-binary gendered, non-heterosexuals and asexuals to that of respect. However, I'm also not going to discourage arming people with knowledge to reduce opportunities for rape to happen. To support one thing without the other is irrational.
It wasn't long ago that casual groping, such as breast fondling or ass pinching, was supposed to be taken as a compliment. Only in the past few decades has Western society told people that it's okay to say 'no' and defend themselves. I am all for improving societal views of children, men, women, all races, trans and non-binary gendered, non-heterosexuals and asexuals to that of respect. However, I'm also not going to discourage arming people with knowledge to reduce opportunities for rape to happen. To support one thing without the other is irrational.